SURVEY SAYS- ADVICE ON MAINTAINING A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP: PART III
To read other responses to this survey click here. -It is ok to argue and disagree. What is important is to be on the same page with the big issues, values, ideals, how to raise your children, etc. Always remember, even with the disagreements and arguments sometimes, your husband/wife is your best friend until death due you part. -My advice to a newly married couple is to always communicate and be honest. Sometimes it may hurt but things always seem to work themselves out when you tell the truth. My last bit of advice is to never go to bed angry...so far it has worked for us. -You are not just marrying the person, you are marrying the entire family. Much of the success of your relationship with your spouse will depend on: 1. Your relationship with the spouses family members. 2. Whether the new spouse is able to put your interests ahead of the family. 3. If your spouse will be supportive of you in conflicts with his/her family. -My advice would be to marry somebody you truly like to be around and respect. Too many couples do not genuinely enjoy each others company. Have fun together! It is also extremely important to keep things as new and exciting as you can...do not fall into the same routine and let daily life get in the way. (Send a fun e-mail/text message or make a surprise visit.) There is nothing worse than a "boring" marriage. Make sure you have similar goals. Do not think that you are going to change somebody once you're married to the person. The key to a successful marriage is keeping it as exciting as possible and, aside from being physically attracted to each other, you need to both genuinely like to be together and share common interests along with common goals. -I think the main point is to be honest and also be able to discuss anything with your partner. When two people come together from two totally separate backgrounds and different ways of thinking it really is not as simple as it is made out to be. Some serious discussions and negotiations have to take place. I believe that the divorce rate is so high because we live in an age where you can get whatever you want when ever you want. This way people think that if they are having a problem with living a life together with someone else who thinks differently to them it can be fixed at the snap of a finger. AND THAT IS NOT TRUE!!! -Vikki: MPC, aka the view from divorce: there is no way to predict your old man will not fall victim to his own ego (e.g., an only child of parents with means) and end up bankrupt 20 yrs later (it took him that long to go thru his family's money), and then borrowing money from YOU. I forgot to mention that this is also a slightly cynical view. Anyway, I am still on my feet while the aforementioned Edgar is now a grumpy old man. Ergo, there is much to be said for each party to a marriage being prepared for the unexpected. If you want purely positive input, better ask a couple still together and exuding happiness. Mind you, Edgar (yes, he was an Edgar) and I have never not been on speaking terms, even thru the divorce. Since all of us change so much over the years, I find it difficult to give anyone advice on a long and happy marriage. I would think that the longer a couple knows each other before marriage would seem to be important to avoid unpleasant personality revelations. On the other hand, love at first sight sometimes lasts. I suspect that those couples with the least imagination, ambition, or moxie would last the longest, since the most exciting part of their day would be watching TV together.