1. Don’t focus on the other person Do focus on you. You may not want the divorce. You may feel lonely, sad, heart broken… or all of the above. However, you can only control you. No one else. A very wise man once told me that and boy is it true. Work on healing yourself. It doesn’t matter if your spouse is happy or sad about the break up of your marriage. Its all about you reinventing who you truly are and learning from the past. Not dwelling on it. It’s a good time to be selfish. Try it. Me. Me. Me. 2. Don’t be small minded Do look at the big picture. Who wants the dishes may not be as important as who buys the other equity out of the cottage in upstate new york. Or how much life insurance you need to underwrite child support or alimony vs. who your spouse is out to dinner with and what he is spending. The global resolution of important issues should be your main focus and not the smaller less important matters. Divorce is complex but not sweating the small stuff will allow you to properly power through a litigation less painfully than necessary. 3. Don’t talk about the case near, to or around your children The golden rule… don’t embroil your children in your divorce. Easier said then done I am told. Practice consciousness. Set good examples for your children in their relationships not negative ones. If you want to say anything about your soon to be spouse pick a good quality and discuss that with them. You married him or her for a reason so I am sure you can find one or two redeeming qualities. 4. Don’t sit back and let the case unfold- be proactive Read. Study. Learn. Divorce is a new experience for many people. Arm yourself with as much information as possible to make informed decisions. Do not only rely on your attorney. Contact experts. Read books. Learn about the process. It will do the body good.